just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
