Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i was born a porn star she said
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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