Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
