listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
