Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize