i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
