i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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