I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
