oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
