a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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