hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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