then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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