my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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