I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize