I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
