I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
