If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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