It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
