why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize