Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
