Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
