All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Randomize
