Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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