I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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