do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He felt like a one man threesome
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
