ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
