oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
