genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
