I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
