i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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