Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
