Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
