So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
