Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
