downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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