I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
