those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
