Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
