tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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