im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
