I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
