They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
