my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
