ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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