Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
