Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize