I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
