I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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