Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
