4 words: hood of his car
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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