Having a random hookup so left but love u
Your dad touched me again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
