2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
