Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
