I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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