I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
