Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
