Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
