This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
