I looked at my own cervix.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
