I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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