He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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