The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am naked and annoyed.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
