Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
