9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
