im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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