I bet he comes in French.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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