Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
