this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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