he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
