You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
