i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
