you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
