There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
