is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
