It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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