Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
