there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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