So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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