you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
