wat bout pragnant strippers??
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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