So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
