sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was confusing and full of hummus
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
