Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
