i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
