i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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