I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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