Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
