Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
