what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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