I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
