I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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