I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
