Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
