just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
