Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
