Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
