What did we do last night that was yellow?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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