my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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