Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
